![]() If it is but you just don't want to, then, well, congrats? Sounds liberating. Is med school still a possibility? In real life-not just what your preconceived notions tell you. Maybe your realistic options have changed, too, in your favor. If you can, then, next step: What decision makes the most sense for you now, given your circumstances now? Clearly they've changed. I don't focus that well or have the mental stamina.)Ĭan you do that? Accept your decision as right for you and move on? (If it helps in even the smallest way, I know I couldn't have done med school while childrearing. And since you're looking only through the lens of your own self knowledge, maybe it's time for you to recognize that wasn't a viable path * for you,* and let yourself off the second-guessing hook once and for all for the decision you made. Where does that put you now? That's the question you do need to think about and answer.įor example, you seem pretty certain that medical training would have been impossible at the same time as having a family. She may have served some purpose in showing you what is/was/may be possible, but for the sake of tidiness let's declare that from this moment on, every moment spent dwelling on her is a wasted one. Therefore, in all of her staggering irrelevance, she serves no purpose except to distract you from stuff you need to think about and to muddle your perceptions. Whether she's happy or unfulfilled or a parent or not a parent or whatever else has zero (0) (nada) (zip) (eff-all) to do with you and your life and your purpose and your capabilities and your decision-making. This feeling will pass, right? How do I get back to having a healthy perspective on my own choices?įirst, get Marie out of your life story. I don't know for sure, but think Marie would describe herself as very happy with both. I love my husband, love my kids, am lukewarm about my career, and wish I had found a way to find satisfaction both in my career and at home. Now it looks like that isn't true, and I'm back to feeling crappy. This will sound terrible but one of my small comforts at the time was assuming that Marie would have to sacrifice something (probably a traditional family life) in order to be a doctor. I have gone through several phases of regret about not becoming a doctor, including one very intense one when Marie graduated from med school and started her residency. I was pre-med in college, but then I got distracted after graduation (married young, had two kids within two years, ended up getting a research job that paid the bills and that I could do without more school). Marie is a successful pediatrician, which is the job I always dreamed about and planned on having. My cousin "Marie" had her second baby last month. Put half (or more) of it away before you even start. So instead of overpaying, overeating and overshaming, have a leftover container waiting when your food arrives. So, you cave to takeout food, that's fine-hey, you're doing your part to keep some restaurants and delivery staff afloat. You can also preempt yourself in an easier way. Plan in advance to be your own crutch in your weaker moments. Which means it would be more helpful to make a concrete change that you * can* make when you *can* make it. Instead, look at these times when you don't do X even when you know you should be doing X as times you * can't* do X. If you look at your circumstances (and this applies to overworked prior OP, too) and tell yourself you "should" be able to make these small changes, then I think you drag yourself into a shame cycle that doesn't actually motivate you the way you want it to. * Knowing* you will soon have days/weeks when you are, for all intents and purposes, incapable of going to the kitchen and feeding yourself properly. In this case, that might mean taking your internal monologue to the kitchen on your very bestest day and cooking ahead in volume. Same answer, different frustration: Use the times when you're feeling motivated (like now?) to make it easier for your meh future self to do the right thing.
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